Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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