I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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