Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
