Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
