Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
