doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
