You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
