Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My bed smells like the plague
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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