Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my being single is dangerous.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
