Im at strip club and am horny
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
