Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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