so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
