she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
