You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
