you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
