Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just want nice things and good sex
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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