Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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