Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
