He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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