U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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