you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
