Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
