Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
