Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize