I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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