I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
