is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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