so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
