this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
