dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize