So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
