my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
