I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
