i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
