While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
