i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
