"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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