her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
