Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
