never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
