happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
