Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
