also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
