I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
