Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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