Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
