I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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