you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
