i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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