I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
