5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
