Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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