One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
