my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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