I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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