Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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