Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
