I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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