Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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