we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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