I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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