the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
