you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
