Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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